Oxford Dictionary Introduces New Homophone For Their/There/They’re Called ‘Thaeyre’

OXFORD, UK–A proposal more than ten years in the making was unexpectedly approved by editors of the Oxford English Dictionary on Monday. The result? A new word known as ‘thaeyre’. Unlike it’s fellow homophones, their, there, and they’re, thaeyre is a noun, meaning “one who cannot distinguish the difference between their, there, and they’re.”

Nigel Bailey, a freelance cruciverbalist (person skillful in creating/completing crossword puzzles), was the man tasked with leading the campaign for thaeyre. “I sensed there was a void in the English language. I’d encounter individuals and it was clear to me that they didn’t know their ‘there’ from their ‘they’re'” Nigel explained. “Not exclusive to written word either. I’d find myself in conversation with a gent and it would become painfully obvious to me they were saying the wrong word.”

Feeling that ‘halfwit’ or ‘imbecile’ didn’t quite illustrate his frustrations, Nigel set out to create an entirely new word that would more appropriately convey the derogatory sentiment this brand of idiot required. Thus, after a chapter of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in the bubble bath, Nigel’s inspiration struck. ‘Thaeyre’ was born.

The decision to approve the new word was an arduous one for the Oxford editors claims Clyde Tyler. “He’s (Nigel) so goddamn annoying. I must’ve told him a hundred times how stupid his fucking word is. Who’s gonna be using that dumbass word, huh?” Clyde revealed. “In the end we just caved.”