TALLAHASSEE, FL–Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced his candidacy for the 2024 United States presidential election on Monday. Always in tune with the peoples’ needs, DeSantis declared population control his number one priority if elected to office.
“I want to see at least 100 of you dead within the next year,” DeSantis proclaimed to a crowd of roughly 500 unvaccinated. The crowd erupted in cheers and applause, understanding their sacrificial role in sticking to the liberals. “No masks, no vaccines, no food, no water. Just you all, dead!” screamed DeSantis before exiting the stage with a mic drop.
Even adversaries of the Florida governor were impressed by his new direction, now understanding the motivations behind his constant resistance to CDC guidelines. “I thought the guy was a lunatic, discouraging people from wearing masks or getting vaccinated, but it was all calculated. It was population control, of course,” responded Dr. Fauci. “Less people in Florida. What an elegant and straightforward means of illustrating his vision for America.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t think of it first,” shared Bill Gates in an apparent kudos to Governor DeSantis. “All I can say, he’s got my vote — and free Microsoft Office for a year. On me. The whole set.”
DeSantis would later return to the stage to announce his second campaign promise: a shark-filled moat to keep out Canadians.