BROOKLYN, NEW YORK–As part of an unsuccessful attempt to attend a concert at a local music hall, one teenager, Miles MacLover brought identification in the form of a vaccination passport. The only problem? Miles isn’t vaccinated — meaning that the passport was falsified.
“I knew something was up when his driver’s license said he was 19 and the vaccine card said 25. That made me immediately go, like, wait. Is that possible? I was pretty sure at that point that the kid was fishy,” the venue’s doorman, Ivan Chiu explained. “Also there was this stuff about him being from Hawaii. The guy didn’t sound like no Hawaiian. I said ‘aloha’ and he responded ‘what?’. And vaccine cards don’t usually say anything about whether you’re an organ donor or whatever.”
MacLover, believed to have never even stepped foot in Hawaii, appeared unapologetic when we reached out to him for question. “Bill Gates. Bill Gates. Bill Gates. I’d tell you sheeple to wake up, but it’s already too late for you. Microchips and 5G are coursing through your communist veins as we speak,” the teen spewed combatively. Perhaps his delirium was a product of the stressful situation. “I am MacLover!”
Legal proceedings for MacLover are expected to begin this week.