SAN DIEGO, CA–Local baby, Penny Gurriel, stepped out for a Sunday brunch with her family following a beautiful morning service at St. Martin’s church. Father Gabriel was really on his game this week, so everyone was in a considerably better mood than usual. However, as Penny’s mind shifted from homily to hollandaise, she encountered a roadblock. The restaurant, Tito’s Gaslamp Cafe, had no barcode on the table.

“How the heck can I order without a barcode? Where’s the menu without a barcode? What kind of stupid restaurant doesn’t have a menu?” wondered Penny, aimlessly waving her smartphone in the air, praying that an answer might soon present itself. “So, my family is ignoring me, and I finally get the waiter’s attention. I ask him, ‘where’s the barcode?’ and he hands me this piece of paper with words all over it. What am I supposed to do with paper? All I wanted was a menu.”

Frustrated with the sub-standard service, Penny urged her family to take their business elsewhere — somewhere with barcodes. After having her request laughed off by family members, including that snake, cousin Tyler, Penny threw a tantrum to end tantrums. She yelled and screamed, ripped up the paper menus, and gave Tyler a wet willy after wet willy. The scene didn’t end until the waiter managed to procure chocolate ice cream from a nearby creamery.

Penny and her family received a five-year ban from Tito’s Gaslamp Cafe. In retaliation, Penny slapped Tito’s Gaslamp Cafe with a ten-year ban from her patronage. “I left the door open for them to make amends down the road because I’ve never had better hollandaise.”