LONDON, ENGLAND–Amid ongoing political and social unrest in the United Kingdom, one narrative has persisted for as long as Prime Minister Boris Johnson can remember being in office: breakfast. From where he stands, it seems the people have taken a hard stance against the most important meal of the day and are mysteriously blaming it for all their problems these days.

“I’m clueless. I genuinely have no idea what these people want me to do about breakfast. I’m not going to ban it. I quite like breakfast. A full English goes a long way towards making my day great. Or even just a tuna toastie with tea if I’m in a hurry,” Johnson shared in a candid statement. “I don’t even know where this breakfast slander started. Is this the work of the big lunch industry? Or big afternoon tea? None of it makes sense. They’re blaming breakfast for everything from immigration disputes to petrol issues. I mean –what’s this to do with labour shortages?”

Despite not fully grasping the ongoing debate, Johnson has decidedly backed a pro-breakfast agenda since the movement’s beginnings. “Did I have any other choice? I don’t do intermittent fasting. What am I meant to eat between dinner and lunch? Midnight snacks are simply irresponsible, and I’m not willing to sacrifice my healthy lifestyle.”