‘Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day, But Omaha Might’ve Been,’ Says Historian

OMAHA, NE–A tenured history professor from Creighton University delivered a blindsiding blow during his “North American Civilization” lecture last week. To a class of 40 students, Prof. Benjamin Frankenstein boldly declared that “we know Rome wasn’t built in a day, but Omaha might’ve been.” The class, comprised of largely Omaha-area natives, were left dismayed by the perceived slight to their beloved city. How could such a world-class city have been built in one day?

Despite immediate objection from his pupils, Frankenstein doubled down on his stance, sharing the findings from his decade-long research into the city’s beginnings. “There’s a growing belief that Omaha sprung up overnight. Think about it. Not a single living person can vouch for the city’s development. All we know is that on July 4th, 1854, the city of Omaha was born. If we go back to July 3rd? There was nothing. How the hell are you going to explain that?” Still, many students remained unconvinced. The professor asserted that his research had gone through considerable peer review, even claiming, “there are up to nine historians nationwide who agree with my findings.” However, he refused to name any of these historians.

After a heated back and forth, Prof. Frankenstein’s case grew more and more convincing. He drew direct comparisons between Omaha and Rome, pointing out that, while Rome had a “crap-ton” of art and a coliseum and some churches that could never be built in a day, Omaha was a much more basic city. The word “simple” was thrown around a lot. Frankenstein stopped short of declaring Rome a superior destination, but the writing was on the wall, and that rubbed some Omaha diehards the wrong way.

By the end of the lecture, the majority agreed that Frankenstein might be on to something. One anonymous student from Chicago stated, “he’s right. One day there was nothing, and the next day there was a city. Until somebody can verify otherwise with a first-person account, I believe Prof. Frankenstein. Innocent until proven guilty, or something.”