EVERYWHERE, EARTH–It’s just a normal, everyday tee shirt, right? Wrong. The whole world is up in arms trying to settle a debate over what color this shirt is. Some say it’s fuchsia, while others are insistent it’s lime green. An eighth-grader from Albuquerque claims it’s neon pink. One thing is for certain — we’re all losing our damn minds over it. Researchers from Oxford University who have been studying the phenomenon in recent weeks believe they may finally have an explanation.
“It all ties back to the classic Pepsi versus Coke pop culture debate. If you like Coke, the shirt looks lime green. If Pepsi is your thing, then you see fuchsia,” relayed Dr. Evan Middleton, a Ph.D. researcher specializing in sodas of the late-1990s to early 2000s. “It’s effed up. I don’t know for sure, but I can’t suppress the feeling that Dr. Pepper is somehow responsible. I’ve never believed they could jam 23 different flavors into a single cola. At most, I’ve tasted eleven flavors. Maybe twelve. No more than fourteen.” Peer review did not support this theory, but Dr. Middleton published his findings anyway.
Still, even with this explanation, the masses remain dissatisfied with the resolution. It failed to sufficiently answer the question. What color is the shirt? Dr. Middleton and his team set out for pigment lab testing to finally put the debate to rest. Following rigorous tests, the shirt’s true colors were revealed. The shirt is vermilion, and it’s also not a shirt at all — it’s a dress.