SHEBOYGAN, WI–Ralph Braun is an award-winning Hollywood producer, worth somewhere in the nine-figure range. But through all the success and fame, he never turned his back on his roots. Ralph is from Sheboygan, and damn proud of it, although he hasn’t been back to visit since moving away for good fifteen years ago. In some ways, he knew he’d become too big for the town, and after tasting all the finer things that come with success, he struggled to believe he could ever relate to these people again.
All the same, Ralph was overwhelmed when news reached him that he had been nominated to receive the key to the city. It is Sheboygan’s highest honor, and there was no way in hell he’d turn down the opportunity to be celebrated in such grand fashion. Just the thought of his family and childhood friends all celebrating his lifetime accomplishments really turned Ralph on. He’s a glutton for acclaim, and that’s something he’s never been shy about.
Unfortunately, Ralph could only fit in a single day for his Sheboygan visit. He’s a busy Hollywood mogul, and even spending one February Monday in Wisconsin was asking a lot out of him. So, Ralph needed to make the most of his short stay in his hometown. Outside of the small ceremony where he would receive the key, there wasn’t much on his vacation to-do list. The walk down memory lane included visiting his old high school, getting drunk with the ‘Boygan Boys down by the train tracks, and dinner at his favorite childhood restaurant — Dok Bua Thai Cuisine.
The key ceremony went off without a hitch. Everyone was jealous of Ralph, and even his ex-girlfriend Monique showed up to revel in his accomplishments. He truly felt on top of the world, but he didn’t have time to savor the moment if he wanted to fit in his whole itinerary. Ralph next took a solo trip to his old high school. Classes were in session, but that didn’t stop him from marching into his old English teacher’s classroom, etching his name on the wall in front of all the students, and throwing “fuck you” money at Mr. Bennett as he departed. Ralph knew that he was untouchable in this town. He made his way to the train tracks, where all four of the ‘Boygan boys met him with a case of Busch Light and a handle of whiskey. They spent the next few hours getting absolutely plastered.
Eventually, dinner time arrived, and Ralph had his special Thai spot in mind. What Ralph neglected to consider is that many Thai restaurants are closed on Mondays, including Dok Bua. He arrived at the restaurant drunk and disorderly with the ‘Boygan Boys. It took fifteen minutes of banging on the door for the drunkards to figure out the place wasn’t open. After using the old noodle, one of the boys suggested that Ralph’s key to the city might be a skeleton key. The notion was laughed off, but without any other option, other than to eat at the nearby Arby’s, Ralph gave it a shot. The key worked!
“Yeah, it turns out the key to the city is a sort of skeleton key to the city. I unlocked the restaurant, but nobody was working. So, we had to make our own food, which was lame. I’m going to have to mention that in the online review,” Ralph shared. “We took that skeleton key and hit some after-hours shit later on. A night to remember for sure.”