‘That’s A True Story?’ Asks Lauren Boebert After Quietly Watching ‘National Treasure’ From The Doorway For The Last Hour

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Following a controversial showing at President Biden’s State of the Union address, Rep. Lauren Boebert had herself an eventful Tuesday night. She participated in numerous acts of civil disobedience, including a protest of ID checks at bars, testing the boundaries of open carry laws, and hucking pizza slices at the Lincoln Memorial for unknown reasons. In all, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Boebert, but one curious incident stands out among the rest. 

Sometime after leaving the Lincoln Memorial, Boebert knocked on the door of a D.C.-area household. When a surprised Damon Lazarus answered the door, the congresswoman asked if she could use his restroom. She’d been holding it for hours and refused to support bars asking for identification to enter, citing Nazi Germany. Damon was baffled. He was no fan of Boebert’s politics, but couldn’t help that he was starstruck. Damon had watched clips of Boebert acting like a fool countless times with his friends. So, he obliged, pointing her in the direction of his bathroom while he resumed watching National Treasure in the living room.

After loudly going about her business, Boebert quietly re-emerged in the living room doorway. She was ready to say her goodbyes, but suddenly got drawn in by the movie. As a busy congresswoman and freelance maniac, Boebert doesn’t get the luxury of watching movies all that often — and this one was particularly interesting. Over the next hour, she remained entranced in the doorway, eating up every plot point and gasping with each new reveal. Damon pretended not to notice. 

When the movie ended, Boebert sheepishly broke her silence. “That’s a true story?” The question caught Damon off guard. He honestly could not say one way or another. “I think it might be based on a true story,” Damon replied, forcing Boebert to fart with excitement. “If I’m hearing Mr. Cage correctly, that there’s a secret invisible map on the back of the Declaration of Independence, imagine what the back of the Constitution will look like. It could be a map to Atlantis, or a banned peach cobbler recipe. I’m getting Marjorie on the horn,” the congresswoman replied. 

Damon nodded along congenially before pivoting his strategy with, “yeah, it’s late. I’m getting kind of tired.” He forced a yawn, trying to give Boebert the hint to leave. The message went over her head as she plopped down on the couch. “I’m just going to watch this documentary back again from the beginning. I’ll try my best to be quiet. Goodnight,” the congresswoman offered with a smile. Damon wasn’t fully comfortable with the arrangement but went to bed anyway. When he woke up in the morning, Boebert had discovered the sequel, National Treasure: Book of Secrets. She is yet to leave.