LOS ANGELES, CA–When Dante Hernangomez settled in for his 12-hour flight to Barcelona, he felt calm. Normally, air travel is a source of disdain for Dante. The seats are uncomfortable. There’s not enough legroom. The food is bad. The air is recycled. Babies cry. Flights get delayed. The movie selection sucks. He’s never enjoyed flying, but this time things felt different. Dante was preparing to see his family for the first time since the pandemic started. He was frankly too happy to let the inconveniences of airplane travel break his stride.

Before the plane could even take off, Dante noticed something alarming. The woman sitting in the window seat of his row was chugging an entire water bottle. And then another water bottle after she finished the first water bottle. Really? Two whole water bottles before the flight even get started? Dante was incredulous, understanding this woman would be getting up to pee every hour. He intended to sleep on this long-haul flight and feel refreshed for his family in Spain, but this woman threatened to spoil everything. 

She must have noticed Dante’s concern as the woman, Tammy, turned to him with a friendly smile, “airplanes dehydrate me like crazy. Just nipping it in the bud is my method. If you see the flight attendant please ask for more water.” Dante accepted her friendliness with a forced smile as he turned away to reflect. The damage was done. He started watching Baywatch to calm his nerves and forget about the onslaught of incoming bathroom breaks. 

The first bathroom break arrived just over an hour into the flight. “Must be all the coffee,” said Tammy as she farted her way through the row en route to the lavatory. From there, the frequency picked up with Tammy needing to go roughly every thirty to forty-five minutes. After the sixth trip to the bathroom, Dante offered to trade seats with her, but Tammy insisted aisle seats make her vomit. And so it continued. She even decided she had to go as soon as dinner was served. Ignoring the food and beverage on Dante’s tray table, Tammy tapped him on the shoulder once again. “Hey, sorry. I know I just went, but it’s an emergency again. Also, ask the flight attendant for another water and coffee if she comes by while I’m gone.”

Recognizing that the problem wasn’t going away, Dante got blackout drunk for the remainder of the ride. Tammy now had to climb over his unconscious body if she wished to go pee.