‘Here For A Good Time, Not A Long Time,’ Stoned Man Reassures Himself Before Bypassing ‘Let Stand For Five Minutes’ Step On Frozen Pizza Box

DENVER, CO–The phrase ‘carpe diem’ has never been lost on Trent Willits. After losing both his parents in separate boating accidents by age nine and watching all six of his siblings die in a freak bounce-house debacle two years later, Trent is well aware that everything can be taken away in the blink of an eye. That’s why Trent never hesitates to do what he wants, when he wants to do it.

“If not now, then when?” Trent reflected as he opened the oven to reveal a scorching Home Run Inn pizza. He was stoned, and the munchies hit him particularly hard about eight minutes prior. Trent had already come to terms with the fact that he would eat the entire pizza in one sitting. It would surely make him feel sick, but his belly was ready. Only one thing stood in his way from pizza pie heaven. “Let stand for five minutes,” Trent read aloud the final step from the frozen pizza box, releasing a big sigh as he considered. It felt more like a suggestion than a hard rule, and he’d already waited so long for this pizza.

“Five minutes? I may not even still want this pizza in five minutes. How am I supposed to live in the present if my mind is thinking about five minutes from now? I could be dead in five minutes and never eat this pizza.” Trent had made up his mind. Consume the pizza now. As he lifted the first slice to his mouth, Trent repeated a phrase he’d heard his deceased father say before embarking on the boating trip he’d never return from. “Here for a good time, not a long time.”

Without any more time to waste, Trent bit into the scalding-hot pizza. The molten cheese burnt the roof of his mouth raw, and he blacked out instantly as his body gave way to shock. When Trent woke up forty-five minutes later on the kitchen floor, he regretted nothing. He smoked another bowl and forced the rest of the pizza down his gullet, ignoring the pain consistent throughout his mouth.