FRESNO, CA–Maggie Bedrosian is not the first in her family to graduate college, but she is the first to do it in awhile. Generations of her family on both sides were university educated, but that stopped with her mom and dad. Preston and Evelyn Bedrosian had different plans in mind. Following high school, Preston joined the railroad as a drifter, and Evelyn became a researcher on Facebook while working part-time at Sports Chalet. They forged their own paths in life without giving in to the old college factory scheme.

Needless to say, Preston and Evelyn did not encourage their daughter to apply to college. In fact, they grounded Maggie when she told them that she planned to attend a four-year university. Evelyn always hoped her daughter would go into the family business uncovering political and scientific corruption on Facebook, so she took the news particularly hard. Everlyn didn’t want her duaghter to be another one of the sheeple. It took some convincing, but eventually Maggie managed to persuade her parents to get on board with her pursuance of higher learning.

The college journey culminated on Sunday with Maggie’s graduation from the Biology department at her university. Her parents never understood why she felt inclined to waste money studying science when there’s so much free information on the Internet, but they had grown to live with her choices. Though Preston and Evelyn would never admit it, they were proud of Maggie.

Unfortunately, the ceremony got off to a chilly start for Maggie’s parents. After the first commencement speaker referenced the COVID-19 pandemic, suggesting it was real, they checked out immediately. “Why’d he have to go and do that? Make it all political? One half of our population knows the truth about the plan-demic. It wasn’t real at all, and the only thing killing people is vaccines and Alec Baldwin,” an irate Evelyn reflected. “I mean, what? They think that whole charade was real? All of my suspicions about higher learning were confirmed. College is a liberal brainwashing machine, and now my daughter may be afflicted beyond repair. I should’ve intervened earlier. Maybe there are some re-education alternatives we can reverse the damage with.”

Maggie is yet to tell her parents she starts a PhD program in September.