Kanye To Apologize For Antisemitism, Pending Results Of Application To Art School In Austria

VIENNA, AUSTRIA–Admissions workers at the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna were shocked to receive an application from none other than music, fashion, and business mogul, Kanye West, or “Ye” as he’s colloquially known. The subject of past and present controversy Kanye hopes to put the conflicts behind him and enroll in the academy’s abstract painting program. 

With a submission portfolio consisting of grammy awards, Yeezy sneakers, a Barry Bonds rookie card, and a Blu-ray copy of Django Unchained, Kanye is viewed as “an interesting candidate,” says admissions director Dominik Gruber. “We certainly don’t want to offer him any preference because of his status, but that status may ultimately be what hurts Mr. West’s application. He’s a known antisemite, and that’s something we at the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna would like to distance ourselves from. That said, not admitting the antisemite has backfired in the past.” 

Kanye has agreed to abstain from further public comment until he receives his art school application results. “I think I’ll be good at the abstract painting because I’m an abstract thinker. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get in. But I will be mad. And then I’ll draw conclusions about what group of people to blame for my problems.”

Everyone is rooting for Kanye’s acceptance.