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Kanye To Apologize For Antisemitism, Pending Results Of Application To Art School In Austria
VIENNA, AUSTRIA–Admissions workers at the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna were shocked to receive an application from none other than music, fashion, and business mogul, Kanye West, or “Ye” as he’s colloquially known. The subject of past and present controversy Kanye hopes to put the conflicts behind him and enroll in the academy’s abstract…
Early Favorite Emerges In Neighborhood’s Scariest Haunted House Competition
YORBA LINDA, CA–Halloween in this Orange County neighborhood is a big deal. Each October, inhabitants of the gated community host a haunted house competition, with top honors awarded to the home with the scariest decor. The top prize? Waived HOA fees for three months. Traditionally, the competition isn’t much of a contest at all. The…
NFL To Tighten Concussion Protocol, Reduces ‘How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?’ Guesses From Five To Four
NEW YORK, NY–In the wake of yet another brutal head injury, the NFL is again facing criticisms about its handling of concussions. The concerns are nothing new, though urgency to prioritize player health and safety is reaching new highs following the recent beheading of former Miami Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa. But, rather than skirt around…
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