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‘Here For A Good Time, Not A Long Time,’ Stoned Man Reassures Himself Before Bypassing ‘Let Stand For Five Minutes’ Step On Frozen Pizza Box

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DENVER, CO–The phrase ‘carpe diem’ has never been lost on Trent Willits. After losing both his parents in […]

June 3, 2022 Lifestyle, Local

Time Capsule Buried By Founding Fathers Reveals Unexpectedly Accurate Prediction For Future Of Guns, Warning About Fidget Spinners

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PHILADELPHIA, PA–Construction workers building an expansion Wendy’s franchise downtown discovered something eye-opening on Thursday morning. While digging up […]

May 27, 2022 Politics, U.S.

GOP Officials Remind Public That Times Of Tragedy Are Not The Time To Do Anything About It

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UVALDE, TX–In the wake of yet another elementary school mass shooting, a supergroup of Texas officials, including Governor […]

May 25, 2022 Politics, U.S.

Court Rules Dog Who Sits Without Being Asked Now Legally Entitled To Owner’s BLT

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WASHINGTON, D.C.–The Supreme Court of the United States is making headlines again with their latest ruling. Backtracking on […]

May 24, 2022 Local

Incognito Nancy Pelosi Seen Begging For ‘Just One Hit’ Of Communion Outside Sunday Church Service

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Nancy Pelosi has finally hit her rock bottom. On Thursday, Salvatore Cordileone, the archbishop of San […]

May 23, 2022 Politics, U.S.

Biden Administration Searching For Mathematically-Gifted MIT Janitor Who Solved Baby Formula

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CAMBRIDGE, MA–Two weeks ago, the White House enlisted the help of the world’s greatest mathematical minds, posting the […]

May 21, 2022 Politics, U.S.

Florida Introduces New ‘Day In Life Of A Communist’ Scared Straight Program That Forces Participants To Wait In Line For Free Healthcare

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TALLAHASSEE, FL–Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is an American. As an American, Ron must rid his state of any […]

May 11, 2022 Politics, U.S.

Nobody Acknowledged On High School’s ‘Notable Alumni’ Page Graduated

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MILWAUKEE, WI–Ryan Braun Memorial High School has earned a respected reputation in Milwaukee-area education. With an impressive cumulative […]

May 10, 2022 Local

Mother’s Day: Kris Jenner Sends Internet Into Frenzy With Throwback Photo Of Daughters

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CALABASAS, CA–Kris Jenner just broke the Internet with a touching Mother’s Day tribute to her daughters Kourtney, Kim, […]

May 8, 2022 Entertainment, Lifestyle

Justice Alito Doubles Down On Decision To Overturn Roe v. Wade With Experimental New ‘Addition By Subtraction’ Theory On Freedom

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WASHINGTON, D.C.–Following the leak of an upcoming decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court has been […]

May 4, 2022 Politics, U.S.

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