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Tom Brady Cites Time Alone With His Family As Main Reason For Coming Out Of Retirement

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TAMPA, FL–Football fans are buzzing following a bombshell revelation from Tom Brady over the weekend. On Sunday, the […]

March 14, 2022 Sports

‘It’s Missing Something’: Woman’s Underwhelming Everything Bagel Sheds Light On Rest Of Her Unfulfilled Life

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SEATTLE, WA–Chelsea Rivers had big plans in life. From a young age, she knew she was going places. […]

March 12, 2022 Food, Lifestyle, Local

Unfaithful Dog Clearly Prefers Smell Of Your Sister’s Crotch

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LANSING, MI–Dan the Dog is in hot water this morning. Last night, his owner, Miranda, hosted her sister, […]

March 9, 2022 Local

Gas Shortage Solved? Man With Dislocated Finger Can’t Stop Farting After ‘Pull My Finger’ Joke Backfires

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LOS ANGELES, CA–Andrew Dillard is a relentless prankster. At any given moment, he’s got a whoopee cushion, fake […]

March 8, 2022 Local, U.S.

Depressed Guy Hits Rock Bottom On Slide 68 Of ‘What Happened To The Cast Of Hannah Montana’

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Liam Albrecht is supposed to be looking for a job. He’s been unemployed since getting dropped […]

March 4, 2022 Entertainment, Local

‘That’s A True Story?’ Asks Lauren Boebert After Quietly Watching ‘National Treasure’ From The Doorway For The Last Hour

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WASHINGTON, D.C.–Following a controversial showing at President Biden’s State of the Union address, Rep. Lauren Boebert had herself […]

March 3, 2022 Entertainment, Lifestyle, Politics

‘It’s A Figure Of Speech,’ Claims Intern Attempting To Walk Back Threat Made To Defile Every Fish In Boss’ Aquarium

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CHARLESTON, SC–Everyone at the Selby Digital Advertising Company has been at their wit’s end ever since returning to […]

March 1, 2022 Local

Christmas Eve Mass Finally Ends

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SOUTH BEND, IN–The hostage situation at Saint Thomas Aquinas Parish has finally been resolved. What started as a […]

March 1, 2022 Local

Episodes Of ‘The View’ Will Now Open With Half-Assed Apology For ‘Whatever They Say Next’

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MANHATTAN, NY–For twenty-five years now, The View has been a daytime television staple in the United States. The ABC program […]

February 27, 2022 Entertainment

‘It Made More Sense When Donald Trump Said It,’ Explains Woman Struggling To Articulate Her Newfound Support For Putin

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SAN ANTONIO, TX–Every time Susan and Vanessa get together, conversations inevitably turn political. It’s usually not much of […]

February 25, 2022 Politics, U.S.

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