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‘That’s A True Story?’ Asks Lauren Boebert After Quietly Watching ‘National Treasure’ From The Doorway For The Last Hour

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WASHINGTON, D.C.–Following a controversial showing at President Biden’s State of the Union address, Rep. Lauren Boebert had herself […]

March 3, 2022 Entertainment, Lifestyle, Politics

‘It’s A Figure Of Speech,’ Claims Intern Attempting To Walk Back Threat Made To Defile Every Fish In Boss’ Aquarium

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CHARLESTON, SC–Everyone at the Selby Digital Advertising Company has been at their wit’s end ever since returning to […]

March 1, 2022 Local

Christmas Eve Mass Finally Ends

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SOUTH BEND, IN–The hostage situation at Saint Thomas Aquinas Parish has finally been resolved. What started as a […]

March 1, 2022 Local

Episodes Of ‘The View’ Will Now Open With Half-Assed Apology For ‘Whatever They Say Next’

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MANHATTAN, NY–For twenty-five years now, The View has been a daytime television staple in the United States. The ABC program […]

February 27, 2022 Entertainment

‘It Made More Sense When Donald Trump Said It,’ Explains Woman Struggling To Articulate Her Newfound Support For Putin

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SAN ANTONIO, TX–Every time Susan and Vanessa get together, conversations inevitably turn political. It’s usually not much of […]

February 25, 2022 Politics, U.S.

As Covid Mandates Fade, This Patriot Recalls Exact Moment She Decided Never To Wash Her Hands Again

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LITTLE ROCK, AR–Ophelia Carter bleeds red, white, and blue. She also sneezes red, white, and blue, farts it, […]

February 24, 2022 Politics, U.S.

Biden Studying 1980 ‘Miracle On Ice’ Game Tape For Tips On Defeating The Russians

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WASHINGTON, D.C.–The world has a predicament on its hands. With Vladimir Putin moving forward with plans to invade […]

February 22, 2022 Sports, U.S., World

Ohio Man With 11% Ukrainian Ancestry Finally Breaks Silence on Russia Conflict

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AKRON, OH–With bad blood between Ukraine and Russia intensifying in recent weeks, confusion regarding the whole situation is […]

February 21, 2022 Local, World

Obscure Kid’s Popularity Soars After Mom Hooks Him Up With McDonald’s For School Lunch

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ST. PAUL, MN–Hardly anybody at Highland Junior High School has heard the name Chandler DeMauricio, let alone know […]

February 17, 2022 Local

Miscue While Scanning Doritos At The Self-Checkout Thwarts Introvert’s Plan To Talk With Nobody

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STAMFORD, CT–Peace and quiet is all TJ Singh wants out of his downtime. Five days a week, he […]

February 16, 2022 Local

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