OAKLAND, CA–Dale Frampton finally pulled the plug on his fifteen-year-old office supply store last week. The business began as a childhood dream after Dale struggled to find a reliable mini stapler during his elementary school years. By the time he was thirteen, Frampton had discovered the perfect mini stapler following tireless trial and error. Hoping to save future generations from unreliable staplers, Dale was inspired to open his own office supply store where he’d make informed recommendations about staplers and other office products.
“I don’t know where things went wrong. Our social media strategy was flawless. It’s incomprehensible why that didn’t attract more customers. The Facebook page has damn near 375 likes,” vented Dale as he taped up a ‘Going Out Of Business’ message printed on the back side of a ‘Check Us Out On Facebook!’ sign. “It’s Gavin Newsom’s fault. I know it. All the democrats hate office supplies. This wouldn’t have happened if Randy Quaid was president. It’s un-American as shit.”
Frampton later admitted that his refusal to conduct online business may have also played a role in the store’s demise.