‘Modest’ Hollywood Stars Praised For Record-Low Oscars Ratings

LOS ANGELES, CA–“Oh, no get that camera out of my face! Ah! Don’t get my good side!” exclaimed Zendaya, making an earnest effort to shield herself from the press. But even her borderline-camouflage, highlighter-yellow dress wasn’t enough to hide from every camera. This seemed to be the strategy of all the A-list attendees with only one agenda on their minds: to fly under the radar.

“I don’t know why everyone is always pointing a camera at us. Even directors. Like what? We’re just actors,” Riz Ahmed conveyed in an E! News red carpet interview before performing a bashful backflip and mooning paparazzi. He also accidentally plugged his Oscar-nominated film, The Sound of Metal, which he hopes nobody sees. “I’m just really shy.”

Each award winner, though painfully introverted, would go on to make full use of their platform, speaking out on injustices rather than film, not because they want attention, but because nobody else is talking about the issues. “I didn’t realize racism was a problem in this country until actors pointed it out,” proclaimed Twitter user @angstyballz_iloveJLaw.

From Zendaya to Ahmed and even Halle Berry’s new haircut, Hollywood sent a clear message of modesty. They do not want attention, but, if you insist on it, continue buying movie tickets and idolizing them.