Depressed Guy Hits Rock Bottom On Slide 68 Of ‘What Happened To The Cast Of Hannah Montana’

SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Liam Albrecht is supposed to be looking for a job. He’s been unemployed since getting dropped from the internship program at Google in November. The circumstances surrounding his dismissal were murky, but everyone knew it was somehow related to the threatening messages written with blood on the restroom wall. Whatever the reason, Liam was finding it impossible to find a new job because of it. Hiring managers were all curious about his brief stay at Google and viewed it as an instant red flag. Once a search engine design prodigy, Liam is unemployable. 

The feelings of futility have gotten the better of Liam lately. He can hardly ever even bring himself to look at jobs despite desperately needing more money. Instead, Liam wastes his time online all day, trolling people on Twitter, poking girls he knew in high school on Facebook and broadening his knowledge. For more than an hour, he’d been clicking through a 68-slide presentation called, ‘What Happened To The Cast Of Hannah Montana’. It’s peak boredom for Liam. He didn’t even like Hannah Montana, and this slideshow is not very informative. Each new slide comes with three new pop-up ads. It’s a miserable time. 

Somewhere around slide 45, Liam felt a knot in his stomach telling him to stop. This presentation had gone on long enough, and the pop-up ads were making this an infuriatingly long venture. He’d already learned about Mitchel Musso’s music career and Jason Earles’ surprising age and that Emily Osment is Haley Joel Osment’s sister. Liam had loaded up enough small talk ammo to last him for the next six months, yet something compelled him to keep clicking. It wasn’t that he cared, or that he expected it to be interesting, but Liam needed closure on something. “I just need to know if Miley landed on her feet.” And so, Liam pressed on, fully aware that the slide show was probably saving the star for last. 

With each new ‘next slide’ click and pop-up ad closure, Liam became increasingly sick to his stomach. He was losing energy and giving way to severe depression as his eyes scanned through five consecutive slides about Billy Ray Cyrus’ music career. He even took a quick detour by listening to Achy Breaky Heart on a different tab before continuing with the presentation. Liam had this irrational thought in the back of his end that when he found out what Miley is up to, he’d feel better about himself. He knew she must be living an interesting life, and that understanding would propel him out of his funk and help inspire Liam to jumpstart his career. 

Unfortunately, things didn’t pan out that way. As Liam clicked through to slide 62, the Miley section had begun. He was disappointed to see that she hadn’t produced a hit song in several years and that her marriage to Liam Hemsworth ended in 2020. There was also a lot of stuff about drugs and sex, and Miley’s acting career appeared to have fizzled out. Liam was certain she would have at least one Oscar by now. It was all quite disillusioning, and when he clicked through to the 68th and final slide, he was beyond disappointed to see nothing but a “thank you for reading” note from the slideshow’s author. Liam was crushed. If Miley couldn’t get it together, then how could he? It was the lowest of low feelings, and Liam had reached his rock bottom.

Fortunately, Liam emerged from his rock bottom later that day after learning that iCarly got rebooted and that Miranda Cosgrove hadn’t lost a step.