DES MOINES, IA–More than 600 days after the United States instituted its initial COVID-19 travel bans, the floodgates have been opened. Vaccinated individuals from dozens of countries have already started planning their trips to various American tourist hotspots from around the country. Some will seek the Hollywood glamour of Los Angeles or fix their sights on the neon lights of New York City, while others set their money on fire at Disney World. Just one thing is certain: everybody wants to go to Iowa.

“Des Moines is gonna be a g-dang Pandora’s box!” exclaimed local mailman Garvey Anderson. “Iowa is the logical choice. What if you hadn’t been able to travel for close to two years? What’s the first thing you’d want to do? Iowa. We have corn. Yeah, Nebraska has corn, too, but where else can you see the Mississippi River, the Missouri River, and corn? It’s the birthplace of Captain Kirk, or it will be come March 22, 2228. We also got the field of dreams, and did I mention Iowans invented sliced bread? You know, Kevin Costner went to Iowa once.” Garvey then launched into a synopsis about the Kevin Costner film, Field of Dreams, followed by an assertion that it was not a work of fiction.

Out of 1500 surveyed European travelers, none reported any plans to visit Iowa. “Iowa? We’re going to Oklahoma City. Everyone’s going to Oklahoma City,” conveyed a puzzled Italian traveler, Marco Benitendi. “Oklahoma City or Stockton.”